The Emotionally Invalidating Environment in BPD

The Emotionally Invalidating Environment in BPD BPD Print The Emotionally Invalidating Environment in BPD By Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University. Learn about our editorial policy Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD Updated on July 22, 2019 altrendo images/Altrendo/Getty Images More in BPD Diagnosis Treatment Living With BPD Related Conditions An emotionally invalidating environment is any situation involving other people in which they respond to your expressions of emotion inappropriately or inconsistently. In the context of borderline personality disorder (BPD), invalidating means failing to treat your expression of emotions with attention, respect, and understanding. What Happens in an Invalidating Environment? In an invalidating environment, youre essentially told that your expression of feelings is wrong. The “invalidator” may deny, ignore, ridicule, deliberately misinterpret, or be critical of your feelings. Whatever form the invalidating takes, a child growing up in an invalidating environment learns that their emotions are somehow incorrect, perhaps not even worth considering. As they grow up, this self-belief may lead them to distrust their own feelings. It may also contribute to the development of BPD. An emotionally invalidating environment in childhood is believed to be one of the life experiences that put people at risk for developing BPD. Invalidating Environments and Development of BPD For example, in an emotionally invalidating home environment, a child who becomes frustrated and starts to cry may be told, “Stop acting like a baby!” The childs real needs are ignored. As the child matures and the emotional invalidation continues, they may try harder and harder to get their parents to respond to their feelings in positive ways. If they dont, the child may end up self-harming to get the attention, the validation of themself as someone to be taken seriously, that they so desperately wants. Sometimes emotionally invalidating relationships happen naturally, such as when theres a mismatch between parents personalities and their childs. For example, a shy child growing up in an outgoing, talkative family may be teased and taunted because theyre quiet and keep to themself. At the opposite end of the range of emotional invalidation experiences, parents may deliberately neglect their children or inflict extreme emotional or physical abuse on them as punishment for expressing their emotions. What Is Validation? Basically, it’s letting another person know that you accept and understand their feelings, whether you agree with what theyve said or not. Some experts in BPD diagnosis and treatment think that another important childhood experience, emotional vulnerability, is also a basic feature of BPD. Emotional vulnerability is believed to work with an emotionally invalidating environment in the course of BPD development. People who are emotionally vulnerable: Become emotionally aroused or upset very quicklyExpress their emotions intensely, even dramaticallyTake a longer time to calm down and return to their normal emotional state The tendency to respond in these ways in emotional situations can make it even harder to cope with growing up in an emotionally invalidating environment. Not Everyone Who May Be Invalidated Feels That Way As you know, everyone is different, including in the way they experience relationships and interactions with others. For example, if you grew up in an invalidating environment, maybe you experienced some of what’s described above. That’s especially likely if you have BPD. But then again, maybe you didn’t, and now you’re realizing that you didn’t view your childhood emotional experiences that way. Why such a wide range of reactions? Some BPD experts believe that temperament  can also influence how sensitive a person may be in an emotionally invalidating environment.